‘In the factory we make cosmetics; in the drugstore we sell hope. ‘
– Charles Revson, founder of Revlon.

Make up. This is truly not as easy a topic to write on as the first nine. Make up is political, social, cultural, sexual, contextual and even controversial. It is intended as a value added to improve one’s outward appearance to either enhance or at least conform to an appealing look or self perception.

Make-up is historical. Kohl has been worn traditionally as far back as the Bronze Age (3500 B.C. onward) by the Egyptian queens to darken around the eyes and give them their desired almond shape. One can look at art through the ages to see the eras and how women presented themselves in different eras, from Victorian through Modern. One can look at movies from the 1940’s or 1970’s and know instantly the era in part from how the women ‘faced’ the world.

Make up is also big business. Several websites I saw while researching this say US women spend over $8 Billion dollars annually on make up. That amount is equal to the projected debit for the entire state of New York in fiscal year 2010-11. The one thing that is certain is that this is a significant investment in the self image of American women.

It seems as if every decade following World War II has been defined by a certain idea in make up. I grew up in the 1970’s when three words rules women’s eye shadow - Robin’s Egg Blue. A woman could be any nationality, skin type and tone; but her eye shadow for most of that decade was that color. I had to laugh when I saw several high school aged girls recently trying this look out. Again, when it comes to fashion, everything old is new again.

Trying to draw one single conclusion in a blog post about make-up is like trying to draw one single conclusion in a blog post about eating lunch. It really isn’t all that simple. I think well done make up put on confidently is akin to the matte around a wonderful painting or photograph. It actually makes something appear to look even greater then it already appears.
But these days, what a woman wears on her face seems to be a very individual decision. I recently worked with a woman who used did everything she could to look ‘natural.’ This included a concealer to even out her skin tone, a subtle brown eye shadow, a medium black mascara and just a touch of translucent lip gloss. I think the term ‘natural’ didn’t refer to how she actually looked, but perhaps more about how she felt she should present herself in the daily context of life.

Many guys are generally critical of women’s daily wear make up, especially when they think that the woman applying it will make them late for something. They also will make any story of a woman applying make up in traffic or a public place akin to the most heinous of crime. I always thought it would be interesting if many women called these men’s bluff and declared one day to be make up free. I don’t think that all women would participate, but it would be interesting to see what would happen. I think some guys would say something, many would not and most of these women would have ‘their face’ back on the next day.

Sure, food, shelter and clothes are the easy needs. Without these, we would all perish. But where do others aspects of our lives fall in this?

Where is entertainment? How about laughter? Where would you put passion or friendship? Would you rank order or cleanliness a want, a need or just a goal? Could something be an absolute stone cold need for you but just a nicety for me? Maybe you have a need for personal expression and I have a different need to express myself. Some seem to have a need for something greater then the earthly human forms and others seem to have no need for it.

Maybe you have a more mechanical need, like a nail clipper or a band aid. It seems like this is the basis of every psychology and philosophy class you will ever enter. If you have been conditioned by your experience to have a certain level of expectation met, does this just become a mega-want for you? Could someone kill you just by withholding what they feel are their basic needs?

We humans are all complex beings and I think we have complex wants and needs. I also think the achievement of these wants and needs are as primary as they wants and needs themselves. Nothing comes easy, but things do come easier depending on the circumstance in which you operate.

When writing on best friends, I’m walking a tightrope here … 27 people who will be exposed to this post on Facebook and another 14 or so who to whom I’m not connected I consider to be my best friends.

The title ‘best friend’ I believe is driven by context. When you’re in a fox hole and bullets are firing around your head, you want to know who you can really, truly count on. So too you want to know who you can count on in a school math class, hanging out after school, as a member of fraternity, at every job you’ve ever had, when you join a club or are a part of a neighborhood or group.

Ok, not all of these people were the best of the best all at one time. One of my best friends I’ve known since early grade school and we have worked over a half century to maintain our friendship. Another of my best friends has been my wife for almost twenty years and is mother of my three children. I have had relationships with other family members that border on real great friendships.

I also recognize that several co-workers have produced some truly outstanding friendships. I have another friend that is so wonderfully low key, yet such a delight to have as a real best friend. I have one great friendship that defies convention or reasons. I have made a few new great friends while networking. Others were here for a while and have since left my life for parts unknown. Some of these have even left for an extended period and came back as if no time or distance had ever occurred. I have friends that go across the age spectrum, since many days I feel that I am reckless as a teen or sage like a senior.

I find the most interesting part of this would be if you got all these people in the room, what a different collection of individuals they would be. As I visualize this group, there is such a different look to each of them. I don’t have that “BF Type” for which I look. One thing the all would have in common would be a sense of leadership and how things should be. They are strong in their thoughts and their deeds. I doubt any of them would be very milk toast type of personalities. This makes sense, since they are putting up with an equally strong, leadership driven type in myself.

Here’s the one thing of which I’m sure: I sincerely do believe that most, but not all of them, would get along with each other. I would hope that some day several of them could come together and see the genius, talent, wisdom and love that I see in each of them. My only concern is that when that day comes and so many of them gather in one space at one time, I may be in the room to see it. but not able to join in at that moment.

So I raise a glass of my favorite beverage to all of you I hold most dear …. for there is a richness in life that comes from the relationships one has. I feel highly blessed and fortunate to know many many people and have such great relationships with so many of them. Thank you to each and everyone of them for experiences you have granted me.

In just six years, a new union has emerged that has surpassed the United States in terms of total population. It’s 500 Million people surpasses the 309 Million US Population, and is swiftly moving towards India’s 1.18 Billion and China’s 1.34 Billion people.

Welcome to the Nation of Facebook.

On July 21, 2010; 26 year old Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced that membership had surpassed 500 Million. To put this in perspective, figures released on July 24, 2010 (three days later) show that the world’s population is 6,857,800,000. (This is said Six Billion, Eight Hundred and Fifty Seven Million, Eight Hundred Thousand residents.) So, roughly 7.6% of the entire world’s population could connect to you on Facebook.

This shows no sign of stopping either. Gardner Group, a IT technology research company, said in a New York Times article that Facebook is adding over 50 million new members each month. Said another way, this is like adding the entire population of a country like Burma, South Africa, South Korea or Spain to your company every 30 days. Or, you’re adding three quarters of one percent (.75%) of the world’s population to what you’re doing by the first of each month.

I think just digesting these numbers alone is reasons to pause. The global technological, social and political implications of all this are actually quite staggering. Just think if everyone was to poke you all at once?

Let us not forget one thing, Facebook is an application that requires participation. If someone never logs in to their account, are they a part of the world? If people don’t supply data such as their schools attended or home town’s, are they as relevant as someone who lists every last piece of data? How about those people who just play Mafia Wars and Farmville? Are their lives less real then those meet up face to face in real time? What if you don’t own a personal computer or join Facebook, are you then a second class citizen? At what age should someone have a Facebook account?

Or, will this all be like CB Radio’s were in the 1970’s, and it all be passe in 2015; with some other applications and ideas on how to communicate taking the place of Facebook?

I’m going to let time answer that question.

In this age of social media, followers mean the people who are connected to you to see what you’re tweeting, blasting or blurting about. Between the various platforms, such as Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, Plaxo Pulse and such, I have about 2,500 of you that somehow see my thoughts and words.

As for the old school meaning of followers, I would hope that no one follows my thoughts and words like sheep. I am not a guru or messiah. I seriously doubt I have any hard core followers. In many ways, I’m happy about that. I would rather that people think for themselves and do the things that they sense are right. I would rather people think for themselves and have a sense of integrity about their thoughts and deeds, rather then claim to agree mindlessly with some pundit, guru or messiah … who usually has no equity stake in the outcome.

Everyone who thinks that everyone should express their own individuality of thought and deed … come follow me! (Just checking …. )

Hater n. hay•ter — From the urban vernacular.

A person that simply cannot be happy for another person’s success. So rather than be happy they make a point of exposing a flaw in that person. Hating, the result of being a hater, is not exactly jealousy. The hater doesn’t really want to be the person he or she hates, rather the hater wants to knock some else down a notch.

Ten Second Hater Drama:

Susan: You know, Kevin from accounting is doing very well. He just bought a house in a very nice part of town.

Jane (hater): If he is doing so well, why does he drive that ‘89 Taurus?

How nice that someone has finally formalized for this generation the idea of a wet blanket, a kill joy, a royal pain, a schleprock, a realist, a pessimist and an ass. This type of mindset has always been here. The issue I have is that some people are glorifying these thoughts as good.

Haters deserve to live in their own world of unhappiness, anger, frustrations, comparison and judgement. If they choose to spend their energy doing this, no matter how much they rationalize it, it is their option to pick the envy and self-serving thoughts or work towards peace and acceptance.
If something is heaven or something is hell, it is based squarely on someone’s choices. Haters live in the land of hate.

The list of Thought Challenges states that I am supposed to talk about ‘Our Generation,” which could me at the age I am or the age which my daughter is … one of these is supposed be our generation.

I grew up on the tail end of the comet known as “The Baby Boomers,” the kids of those who came back from what Tom Brokaw calls “The Greatest Generation,” those who fought in World War II. It’s funny that we are living so long, since my generation grew up to The Who singing the line “Hope I die before I get old.” Now, this era of teens is commonly called Generation Y, because they came after Generation X, of which I have a son that’s member. By the way, Generation X was a band fronted by a then unknown punk singer named Billy Idol, which was actually a part of my generation.

I once was told something by the mother of a woman who I was dating, Circa 1985. She said, “Every generation acts like they’ve invented or at least discovered the things that we all learn. Every generation thinks it invented sex and love, success and challenges and good and bad. They’ve all been here all along.”

I think each generation invents their own version of these ups and downs. For example, Generation Y has Lady Gaga. Baby Boomers had Madonna. My parent’s generation had Liberace.

It would seem like all the promises that my parents generation made off fighting to keep the peace may or may not be necessarily kept for Generation Y. The endless intended manifested prosperity and right to have and do it all are not as assured as once they seemed. Yet, I predict that Generation Y will do just fine thank you very much.

I base this on two words: smart phones.

The whole world, both real and perceived of Generation Y is different because of one piece of technology. Who else knows the ability to stand in the middle of a crisp autumn night with the smell of hay and bonfire, enjoying a slate blue sky and a round harvest moon; and is able through GPS technology to send to all their social media accounts the exact coordinates from where they stand?

The world is now different and both the problems and answers are now different too. It’s the era and the context in which each of us plays. And, the various generations overlap too. Yet, we all remain true to our truths. Try explaining what Google is to someone over age 80.

It would be easy to bash Generation Y, just like my parents bashed us in the Baby Boomers. We did smart things and stupid things too. Part of that is education. Part of that is technology. Part of it is the available resources and a part of it is the consciousness of the people who live during the era. The truth is we grow and evolve. We move past things and embrace new things. The only consistent thing in life is change. And, there will come a time when Generation Y will figure this all out for themselves.

In the end, our planet Earth will still spin on it’s axis, the Sun will still rise in the East and set in the West. Generation Y will also figure out sooner or later we had that one right too.

When I saw this was the topic for day three, I had to change the game. I can’t just limit these thoughts to matters of race. Other words need to be included such as bigotry, intolerance, prejudice and so many others. For to talk about oppression of one identified group and not include others I feel is a prejudice on to itself.

We are choice making beings. No doubt about it. We choose Coke or Pepsi, Ford or GM, Bananas or Strawberries, East Side or West Side, Rock or Country … and the list could go on for days.

Unlike things, when it comes to people we want to truly make right decisions. Yet, in so many social dynamics … it comes down to ‘US’ verses ‘THEM.’ The ‘us’ we know and like, verses the ‘them’ that we aren’t sure about, have our reservations, have been burnt by before, heard something from someone and have had a bad experience with in the past.

Race is an easy decision for many to make because it is often about the visible us verses them. One feels they have a certain quality, and based up the area of someone’s heritage, the amount of pigment in their skin, the cultural and defining heritage which they know - I can decide on someone more like me then someone more like that.

I grew up in the Northwest corner of Southfield, Michigan in the late 1960’s and 1970’s. This area was undergoing major development, fueled in part by the growth and success of the car companies and the resulting prosperity that was Suburban Detroit at the time. I can look back and see friends that were gentile and jew, several different races, religions, heritages and many cultural and personal expressions. At the time, these were just the classmates of the public school. The only price of admission to living here in suburbia was a good paying job and a desire to get ahead.

I hear countless stories of this effects people’s lives. I know a woman who named her daughter a very afro-centric name, and then wonders why her nieces with more anglo-saxon sounding names get calls for job interviews, when both girls have the same education and experience. I know a man who is Jewish, but hides this fact professionally since he wants to be judged by his work and not his religion. I know a mixed race couple who deny that this will effect their kids, because this is still America after all … not knowing the future for their son and daughter.

We often see decisions about people like a lifeboat drill. We need strong men to build the village and fertile women to populate the colony. We want people who will dig when we say dig and care for those we reproduce. What if the doctor was a lesbian? What if the best engineer was from a small rural village from a country half way around the globe? What if the best person to lead had actually grown up knowing oppression, poverty and hardship and not knowing opulence, education and all the ’so called’ advantages? Yet, when we choose up sides, we quickly determine who we want based on perceptions as much as facts.

I know a caucasian woman who talked about her black ‘friends,’ when they were actually her co-workers at the large technology company. She actually had never had them in her home or done anything socially with them. Is she racist? Was this a racism based on opportunity? Perhaps, it was she was stuck in the rut of family and leisure time activities, and it never occurred to her to invite these friends to do something socially.

I have several Armenian friends, who’s families were a part of the first major genocide of the 20th Century, occurred when two million Armenians living in Turkey were eliminated from their historic homeland through forced deportations and massacres during World War I. Yet, when we hear the term genocide, we think of what happened to the European Jews during World War II. Both awful. Both heinous. Both should not be forgotten.

I wish I could sum up a quick solution to a problem that has plagued the globe since two people first saw their differences. The only solutions come from within and with time and experience. I can not make another person change their prejudices, but I can work to enlighten them. I just ask one thing of anyone. Don’t ever just react to someone. Pause, think and then be open.

Confidence.

The best line about confidence came from a woman I know and with whom I once collaborated on one of her books. She is a wife and a mother, a breast cancer survivor, an internationally beloved author and speaker and as sweet and wonderful a soul as you will ever meet. Sounds so far like many women we both may know or know about.

However, when I say the name Dr. Susan Jeffers PhD, most of you will then recall the title of her best known work and the greatest line when it comes to confidence, “Feel the fear …. and do it anyways!”

There is a lot of magic in that sentence. I like to say it another way: take intelligent risk. But regardless of how you affirm it, confidence is an ongoing process.

Someone once described the seeming ease at which I host public events as confident. I can report I wasn’t always that way. As a chubby fourth grader with a speech impediment and a desire to fit in, you would hardly think I was qualified to stand in the middle of my class and lead the pledge of allegiance. So you know, I still get nervous before ever event to this day. But one of my mentors told me that when I’m in front of that room I seem like the most powerful, well connected and well put together guy in the world. It’s actually that I want you to have the best experience I can give you, and I feel a responsibility if I ask even $5 to sit there, I need to do what I can to deliver.That’s what gives me the confidence to stand there and tell a joke or talk to a speaker.

I know the difference between cocky and confident too. When I was working in radio, I was just plain cocky. I was slim, attractive, wanting to be cool and thought the world wanted me to be cool as well. I thought I was hot and cold running class. I really wasn’t. I knew that the only thing that kept a lot of people going in that industry at the time was a healthy dose of big, fat ego, so I needed to have one too. It probably explains why I never actually made it very far in terms of success. Thank goodness I crashed. I never would have appreciated the tastes of success I have had after that point. Gratitude for what you have can also build your confidence, especially when you need to rebuild it.

One of the greatest gifts I have ever experienced was working on my confidence and self esteem under the guidance of Bill and Linda McGrane, at the McGrane Global Centers. While I had many breakthroughs and much inner learning and healing, I learned that this is an on-going process that will take the whole of your life to experience. You will run in to people who have not done the work or are doing different work then yours and will seek to outwardly shred what ever measure of self confidence you have in a vain attempt to get their needs met. The only answer is to just love them. I don’t mean love their unacceptable behaviors. But understand that you may of been where they are once upon a time, and that someone saw better for you, loved and supported you and even said a prayer or two for you. So, that confidence you have in someone who seems unloveable is a gift you give to both them and yourself.

So, whether you are working through your fears or needing to take intelligent risks, I suggest you do so with all the confidence you can muster. When you look back, you will be surprised at what you did and how it came out. Sometimes, not knowing so dang much that will pin you down to fail can be the best shot of confidence you or I can have.

Middle child Laura Jean asked me to join her on a personal social media journey of hers. She acquired a list titled “Thought Challenges.” For the next 30 days, the two of us are going to think about, then write on that day’s topic. Click here to see her blog.

Today’s is the toughest one: love. Poets and singers can’t seem to make sense of it. How does anyone expect a middle aged married guy with three kids and a cat to know about it. Yet, it is the core of all we do and feel.

Love is like an octogon, because it has so different sides. I love corn dogs and Mr. Pibb. I love the sound of Pat Metheny’s music and Jeff Lorber’s music too. I love my wife - I really do. I love my three kids. I love connecting people though the business things I do, including networking and writing. I’d love to make much greater money doing it. I love my country, state and home town. I love that I am alive in this moment in history to drink it all in. I love my mother, father, step-father, brother and his family. I love cool crisp autumn mornings. And yet, all this love is so different each time.

Love is an apex of thought, feeling and emotion. Sure, I love food … especially Junk Food. But I eat my veggies too. And while I love jazz, you will still find everthing from Nirvana to Sinatra on my iTunes. I love my wife very passionately, but I also have a lot of fun being with her. I love all three of my kids, but none any more then the other two. I just love each one for who they are. I love connecting people, because relationships are the greatest creation in the world. I love the solitary expression of who and what I am as a writer, yet this seems like a paradox to many. I love to be better paid for all I do, because I don’t think clients and the business community value me financially in the way that I should be valued. I love living in Rochester Hills, Michigan USA, but would surrender it all tomorrow if a strong career opportunity in a great place to raise my family came along in another city or state. I love my family and my roots, considering that I am adopted … I love that I have them to hold. And I do think autumn mornings when the trees are all splashed full of colors, and you have to wear a sweater is great … as long as the car starts.

I was taught that the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. Hate is a powerful emotion too and has its roots in strong feelings. Indifference is neither love nor hate. There are times I am so tired that I am indifferent about what to eat. All number of people want my input on actions and decisions, which leave me indifferent even thinking about them. I find people arguing so fervently about an idea or subject, which I can only find myself thinking that I am pretty indifferent about.

While all this leads to more thoughts and reflections, I still find the best thoughts on the subject come from the song “Nature Boy,” written by eden ahbez, published in 1947, and immortalized by the great vocalist Nat King Cole. The song tells a fantasy of a “strange enchanted boy… who wandered very far” only to learn that “the greatest thing you’ll ever learn was just to love and be loved in return”